01 August 2009


...a few tuesdays ago i had that thing, that thing, this thing, this thing, go away, it's going away, it's there, go away, this thing...on my mind...i made plans to see and drink with BT Genevieve...(modesto gal, bright green eyes, beautiful frame, long untamed waves, confidence that smacks you in the fucking face and men literally fall off...the edge...of their seat...out of her life fearful for their lives / sense of masculinity / power feeling threatened...they...fall...off...the...planet...damn Gen...)...i was early so i killed a few minutes at the baseball diamond on bedford where the red team had just gotten in a fight with the blue team (big dudes, all testosterone, all sandlots and brooklyn childhoods, accent over the 'FOCHHHHHH yuuu...NO! FOCHHHHHHH YUUUUUU!' and across the street in the mcKarren park grass watching people have wine-nics on blankies and watching dog walkers, and very young mothers (russian / boriqua / brooklyn) passing me by...at the baseball diamond i saw Justin eyeing the popsicle cart and watching his Pops bat it around, warming up...I thought of the kid who played "Mikey" in the "The Sandlot" (1994), where the new nerdy, white kid finds a group of hooligans / outcasts (read: fatties, brownies, stutterers) to play ball with...of course, he gradually gets better and gains confidence and they win in the end and their biggest nemesis throughout the film is a huge hairy dog that slobbers (really?!?!) and i remember a red bathing suit and a blonde and i remember at the end the the protagonist kid goes on to be a writer (VO Narrator) and that the puerto rican looking kid goes on to play in the major leagues, as does "Mikey," the cute, tall, Cuban kid with the thick eyebrows...I remember MAKING HIM SO REAL in my head / life, and wishing that something like him existed that would see ME...in modesto, playing soccer, bushy tailed, brace faced...that it was detrimental...kind of detrimental...maybe to my development and learning how to distinguish between reality/fiction/figments/flesh/blood/fantasy/feet/clouds/ground/grow UP BORJA!!! i know he was AN ACTOR...but...the issue is that it's so easy to create (imagination / reality---easy), and I see the potential in most breathing / walking / feeling things...and when i try to get at somebody's inner workings it's not because I want to control/have/define/or call mine, but because building is so natural...breezy...like summer is supposed to BE...it's easy -- or it's not...y punto...anyway, the tall cuban kid with thick eyebrows took on many faces from 1994 til whenever...I always knew their last names before they knew my first.


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